More In Common

Can We Buy It Back?

Can we buy back what we gave up?

This week Keith and Gerren close out a three-episode arc on the cost of independence with the hardest question of all. Not apps. Not initiatives. Not policy alone. Until the identity of the person shifts — until they see themselves as better with the group than alone — none of the programs work.

Keith gets personal about his own lifelong pattern of stepping back from community at the last moment. They get into Robert Bellah's Habits of the Heart, Adam Smith vs. Milton Friedman, Alan Greenspan as an Ayn Rand acolyte, the temporarily embarrassed millionaire, and Harvard's 85-year study on happiness. The number one predictor? Social connection. Not wealth. Not career. Not health habits. Other people.

And then Gerren connects both full arcs — trust collapse, identity, the stories we tell, and now this — into one throughput about how human connection breaks down in America. Institutionally. Personally. Cognitively. Narratively. Structurally.

Hard questions. No easy answers. Arc closed.

The Full Arc: Part 1 — The Deal We Didn't Know We Were Making Part 2 — What We Left Behind Part 3 — Can We Buy It Back?

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

Gerren Taylor: 🎵 https://www.tiktok.com/@gerrent 💼 https://linkedin.com/in/gerrenT

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Thinking out loud about what gets in the way of connection.

Like what you heard? Leave us a comment in your podcast app. See you next week.

What we left behind

We knocked down the load-bearing walls and called it progress.

This week Keith and Gerren dig into what we actually gave up — the third place, intergenerational family, shared child rearing, the male social ecosystem, and the spaces where doctor, lawyer, janitor, and teacher used to just exist together without any of that mattering.

Ray Oldenburg coined the term "third place" in 1989. In 1990, only 3% of Americans had no close friends outside family. Today that's 20%. The loneliness epidemic is not a phone addiction problem. It's seventy years of being told you don't need other people — and now we've stopped doing community so thoroughly we don't know how anymore.

Part two of three. Part three next week: what do we actually do about it.

Key Topics: The third place and its collapse, the data on loneliness and friendship, Robert Putnam's Bowling Alone, intergenerational community, shared child rearing, Día de los Muertos, the CIA veteran who never felt less free than back home.

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

Gerren Taylor: 🎵 https://www.tiktok.com/@gerrent 💼 https://linkedin.com/in/gerrenT

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Thinking out loud about what gets in the way of connection.

Like what you heard? Leave us a comment in your podcast app. See you next week.

"The Deal We Didn't Know We Were Making"

The pitch was freedom. Nobody mentioned what we'd have to give up.

This week Keith and Gerren start a three-episode arc on where American hyper-individualism came from, who constructed it, and what it cost us. From Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged to Reagan's government-is-the-problem reframe, to the suburbs, the single-family home, and the structural dismantling of collective institutions every time they started serving people they weren't supposed to.

Part one of three. Hard questions. No easy answers.

Key Topics: The philosophy of radical individualism, the Cold War and collectivism as the enemy, Reagan and the moral reframe of government, the structural isolation of suburban life, welfare and unions dismantled by race, and why you can't individual-choice your way out of a structure built to isolate you.

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

Gerren Taylor: 🎵 https://www.tiktok.com/@gerrent 💼 https://linkedin.com/in/gerrenT

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Thinking out loud about what gets in the way of connection.

Like what you heard? Leave us a comment in your podcast app. See you next week.

I'm Sorry You Felt That Way" Is Not an Apology

"I'm sorry you felt that way" is not an apology.

This week Keith and Gerren get into the full anatomy of a fake apology versus a real one — what makes one land, what makes the other make things actively worse, and why most of us were taught to do a version that makes us feel less bad and call it the same thing.

They work through the five elements of a real apology, the neuroscience of repair, why you are never obligated to accept an apology or reconcile, and what institutional apology without repair actually looks like — from Germany and South Africa to the United States and slavery.

The word apology shares a root with repair. What is one without the other? Hard questions. No easy answers.

Key Topics: The fake apology anatomy, the five elements of a real apology, neuroscience of repair, receiving vs. accepting an apology, institutional apology and reparations.

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

Gerren Taylor: 🎵 https://www.tiktok.com/@gerrent 💼 https://linkedin.com/in/gerrenT

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Thinking out loud about what gets in the way of connection.

Like what you heard? Leave us a comment in your podcast app. See you next week.

Truth, Kindness, and the Gap Between

Are you telling the truth for them — or for you?

This week Keith and Gerren get into the three gates of honesty — is it true, is it kind, is it necessary — and why the gap between them is where most hard conversations go wrong. They revisit Jen Oliver's framework from earlier this season, get into Keith's hiring story, and work through what it actually looks like when radical honesty stops being honest and starts being a weapon.

Gerren's close: check your motives. Keith's close: is it for you or for them? Neither of them settled it. They never do.

Key Topics: The three gates of honesty, the kindness performance trap, truth as a weapon, the necessity formula, and when withholding becomes unkind.

Resources Mentioned: 🎙️ Jen Oliver Episode → https://www.moreincommonent.com

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

Gerren Taylor: 🎵 https://www.tiktok.com/@gerrent 💼 https://linkedin.com/in/gerrenT

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Thinking out loud about what gets in the way of connection.

Like what you heard? Leave us a comment in your podcast app. See you next week.

The stories we tell about "those people"

We told ourselves these stories were just being careful. Discerning. Realistic. This week Keith and Gerren get into why that's almost never actually true — and what the brain is really doing when it writes narratives about other people before we've said a word to them.

Keith tells the story of a missing wallet, a homeless man on Manhattan Beach Pier, and what happened when they chose curiosity over certainty. Gerren brings research showing that dehumanizing narratives about groups literally constrain what policies people will accept — even against their own national interests. Together they work through the contact hypothesis, Jackie Robinson, warmth vs. competence, and why you cannot simply decide to stop stereotyping.

This is the arc finale. It earns everything that came before it. Neither of us settled it.

The Arc: 🎧 Episode 1 — The Trust Recession 🎧 Episode 2 — The Cost of Being Right 🎧 Episode 3 — Tightly Held Values, Loosely Held Beliefs 🎧 Episode 4 — The Stories We Tell About Those People

Resources Mentioned: 📊 2026 Political Research Quarterly → https://prq.sagepub.com 📚 Contact Hypothesis → https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contact_hypothesis

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

Gerren Taylor: 🎵 https://www.tiktok.com/@gerrent 💼 https://linkedin.com/in/gerrenT

Tightly Held Values, Loosely Held Beliefs

Tightly held values. Loosely held beliefs.

This week Keith and Gerren close out a three-episode arc on identity, truth and the cost of being right. The question driving it all: what are you actually protecting when you defend a belief? And what happens when you build your identity around values instead of roles, labels and group memberships?

They get into identity-protected beliefs and why evidence doesn't break through them, the Kahan paradox, AA's complicated success rate and what it tells us about how change actually works, and why the asymmetry between marginalized and dominant groups matters when we talk about identity protection.

Plus — Keith defines his own identity on mic in a way that might make you rethink yours.

Key Topics: Identity-protective cognition, the Kahan paradox, AA and the value of imperfect solutions, defining identity beyond roles, tightly held values vs. loosely held beliefs.

Resources Mentioned: 📚 AA Research → https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3860574/ 🧠 Identity Protective Cognition → https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity-protective_cognition

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

The Cost Of Being Right

What are you willing to sacrifice for the feeling of being right?

This week Keith and Gerren get into why needing to win isn't just an ego problem — it's a neurological one. Being wrong activates the same brain regions as physical pain. Your brain generates counter arguments instead of evaluating evidence. And when your identity gets fused to your ideas, any challenge to what you believe feels existential.

They also get into why the Socratic method has never actually changed anyone's mind, what intellectual humility looks like in practice, and the therapist quote that sums up the whole thing in eleven words: you can be right, or you can have a relationship.

Key Topics: The neuroscience of being wrong, identity fusion and belief, the dopamine reward loop of winning arguments, intellectual humility, and what it actually takes to reset how we relate to each other.

Resources Mentioned: 🧠 Charlie Bloom — on being right vs relationships → https://www.huffpost.com/author/charlie-bloom

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

 

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Like what you heard? Leave us a comment in your podcast app. It genuinely helps more people find the show. See you next week.

The Trust Recession

It started with a debate about pie. It went somewhere much bigger.

This week Keith and Gerren get into trust — where it went, why it's so hard to rebuild, and what we're actually asking of each other when we say we want to repair it. From the neuroscience of why distrust is a physiological response to the very real question of whether political fractures can ever fully heal, this one covers a lot of ground without pretending any of it is simple.

Also: only 20% of Americans trust the federal government right now. The most trusted institution? Your employer. We leave that one right there.

Next week they're coming back for identity and what it has to do with all of this. Stay tuned.

Key Topics: The neuroscience of distrust and why it isn't a choice, Dunbar's number and the social architecture of trust, in-group vs. out-group conflict, what accountability actually requires, and the Edelman Trust Barometer's most uncomfortable finding.

Resources Mentioned: 📊 Pew Research — Public Trust in Government → https://www.pewresearch.org 📊 Edelman Trust Barometer → https://www.edelman.com/trust 📚 Dunbar's Number → https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar%27s_number

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

 

Like what you heard? Leave us a comment in your podcast app — it genuinely helps more people find the show. See you next week.

The Man Talk Nobody's Having

Two guys, a microphone, and zero interest in pretending masculinity isn't having a moment.

This week Keith and Gerren dig into something they've been circling for a while — what masculinity actually means, what it costs when we get it wrong, and why so many men are still performing a version of themselves that was never really theirs to begin with.

From performative bravado to the very real mental health crisis sitting underneath it, this is the conversation your group chat is too scared to start. They get personal, they get honest — and they stick around at the end for Gerren's halftime karaoke debut at a Tijuana Zonkeys game. Yes, really.

Key Topics: Performative masculinity and why the bravado doesn't hold up, the influence of media and online communities on how men define themselves, vulnerability as strength rather than weakness, and what it looks like to actually build space for men to be real with each other.

Resources Mentioned: 📚 Scott Galloway on Masculinity → https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Scott+Galloway 🎬 Inside the Manosphere (Netflix) → https://www.netflix.com/title/81920687 🧠 Men's Mental Health Resources → https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/

Find Us: 🌐 https://www.moreincommonent.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/moreincommonent 🐦 https://twitter.com/MoreInCommonent 📘 https://www.facebook.com/moreincommonpod

 

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Like what you heard? Leave us a comment in your podcast app — it genuinely helps more people find the show. We'll see you next week.